Relationship: The Essence of it all! (Part 3)

So, how do we earn respect?

Moving beyond mere connection to building a relationship based on trust and respect comes down to who is moving who’s feet.

As you observe a herd of horses, you’ll be able to figure out the pecking order in the herd by watching who’s moving whose feet. When we’re with the horses, we’re part of the herd, which means if we want to be the horse’s leader, we need to be able to move their feet. If the horse can push us around, step on us, manipulate us, ignore us or disrespect us, it will never see us as their leader.

We can’t force a 1000lb animal to move if it doesn’t want to. We will never outpush it by sheer strength or will. And if we resort to pain or fear to get the horse to move, we have undermined trust, respect, leadership and relationship.

Instead, through clear, fair, consistent communication that the horse can understand, paying attention to the honest and immediate feedback that the horse gives us, which lets us know what’s effective and what’s not, we find we can move their feet. The horses use clear, effective and consistent levels of assertiveness: Ask, Tell and Insist. The Ask is gentle (the horse pins its ears), the Tell is stronger, more assertive (the horse pins its ears AND nips), the Insist is as firm as necessary (the horse pins its ears AND kicks). Quickly, the other horse learns to respond to the Tell, and then to the gentlest Ask, because the other horse has earned their respect.

Obviously, we can’t pin our ears, and we aren’t going to bite or kick, but we can match these levels of assertiveness with our tone of voice, body language and resources. Now, if we were to go straight to the Insist, that would not be fair; it would be an act of aggression that would instill fear. It would undermine both trust and respect. And if we never go beyond the gentlest Ask, then the horse would fully take advantage of that, and we’re right back to the horse might trust us, but they’ll never respect us.

How does this play out in our human relationships?

How does it play out with us and God? Do we approach God trying to move His feet, or do we allow Him to move our feet?  Do we respond to His gentlest Ask, or, either because we genuinely don’t yet understand or we understand and are just being willful, do we require Him to be more assertive with us, even getting to the firmest Insist?

Some of our horses know full well what I’m Asking, yet they’ll challenge me and will require me to go to the Tell and then the Insist…. And when I Insist, the horse cops an attitude and acts offended and indignant that I would Insist! Lol! Can you relate to this in any of your relationships? In your relationship with God? How much easier and more peaceful it is when, out of trust AND respect, we understand and respond to God’s gentlest Ask!